Isiah’s Nightmare

Run by The Commission for Old School Friday

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Ya gotta feel for the brotha. He’s definitely going through it.

Let me preface this with saying I do not condone beating women or children (unless they are mine) for something as ridiculous as this next thought. It is just a light hearted sequence of what Isiah might be going through people. Don’t make anything else out of it.

Especially you Poet ;)

Anyway...

I covered the Sixers/Knicks the other night and got a short but decent interview with Walt Clyde Frazier. While the Sixers were punching the Knicks in the mouth (124-84) and Sixers fans were actually chanting “Fire Isiah” I wondered what a typical Isiah Thomas night is like after a typical New York Knick blowout loss…

I look over to the bench and witness the most morbid melancholy expressions I’ve ever seen on coaches. I then knew I wasn’t gonna get the chance to speak to Isiah for a piece I’m writing. I can only imagine what was going through Zeke’s mind at that particular time. Hell if I was Isiah–hypothetically–I might go home and smack the mess out my kids for nothing after such a performance.

The kids reaction:

“Daddy why!?! But, but we didn’t say Fire Daddy this time the people on the TV did. That was last time when we..”

Isiah responds devilishly as if he’s hypothetically lambasting Little Nate after blowing a 360 dunk in the open court–down by 80 at home:

“You better take your little nary asses to bed before I give you something to cry about–again”

The missus interjects:

“Hon, please don’t bring your job home. The kids are sick of going to bed with hot faces every-single-night. Their teachers are beginning to notice.”

Isiah perks up…like a light bulb goes off and stares off into nothingness with a smile of genuine happiness–reminiscing about the hot teacher he used to touch on a little sumthin’ sumthin’. Don’t look at the light Isiah…kinda resembles Stephon’s dome doesn’t it?

The missus: “Yeah I got something for you to ease your mind..let’s go to bed”

Isiah lets out a deep exhale. He can finally relax. Somewhere Marv is letting out a big Yuusssssss! Zeke is smilin’ a Detroit smile now. So just when he’s about to get down get down he hears a noise coming from under the bed–a little giggle. Heated, he slams the covers away–hitting the missus in the face in the process…hard–and gets down on the floor to see Renaldo Balkman’ s big head grinning and saying:

“Sup coach? I just wanted to go over them plays me and the fellas talked about. I was thinking we do this and then we do this and then I get the ball here…”

Zeke: “Noooooooooo! Get the f—”

The missus: “Isiah! Isiah! Wake up!”

Zeke: “What What! Damn! WTF! Get away from me woman! Where’s that damn Renaldo!” Isiah screams, shaking his head all discombobulated.

The missus: “Honey you were dreaming again. Damn! You really need to talk to someone about those Knick night terrors.”

“By the way”, she says with a smile as her she fingertips Zeke’s shoulder. You were kinda rough last night, but I likeded it. I have a detached retina and lost a few teeth, but I’ll be fine.”

“Oh, did I tell you my father and three brothers are coming over in a couple of hours?”

Cut to Isiah looking directly into the camera pulling the covers up to his face–like a kid straight shook–while Stephon slams the organ keys in typical Bugs Bunny fashion…dressed in a tux…with tails…and his kicks.

Could it get any worse than this?

Wake up Isiah…wake up. You gotta get this turned around bruh.

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