A Blog Saves A White Woman

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Don’t start none…won’t be none

Ever wonder how and why the blogosphere took off so fast? My guess is because we are a country of rage. Everyone’s mad with somebody and all are getting their blog on to tell the tales. You got your democrats hating republicans hating socialists hating green party hating black people hating white people hating old people hating young people hating men hating women hating transgendered hating rural America hating urban America hating the west coast hating the east coast hating tall hating short hating skinny hating fat……and that’s like only .00001% of the hate…I didn’t even go international…..there’s some love too, but not nearly as much.

Everyone is getting their wrath published for free so that they don’t have to walk around with it all pent up inside like a powder keg ready to explode at any moment. Sure we could always have a diary or just write out our madness on a sheet of paper…but what fun is that if no one might just happen upon it in a Google search??

But the one major benefit of all that blogging from what I can tell, is that this rage, that might very well have been taken out for real, is reduced to the virtual. As hateful and venomous as some blogs are, they’re still just someone’s random thoughts that you have to look for to find. I don’t search for “nigger ho nappy head bitch”, so fortunately, I rarely venture onto such idiocy. Of course there are those that do, so ultimately the comments on any blog are either fiercely agreeable or totally not…no in-between…but that’s cool, as long as you get whatever rage that’s pent up out on the wonderful wide web as opposed to the unsuspecting public or the stupid lady in the post office………….oh… that brings me to my story, of how this blog saved a white woman, allowing me to vent here instead of on her boney face.

First of all, I’m already mad because I had a late lunch because of a hideous morning of fools at work and I’m mailing off my speeding ticket to Tifton County (a bullshit ticket I might add), so I’m mad when I walk through the doors. Nevertheless, I go and pick up a priority mail envelope and label and like a normal person, go to the counter to fill it out. I am not in line, because, duh, I’m not ready to be.

Well this Gated Community-Junior League-the-world-is-mine white woman comes in and gets in line then promptly gets out of line, comes around to where I’m standing, to get some certified labels that she begins filling out. I get done and get in line. I hear a “I’m in line”….but I don’t pay it any attention because I know she is not talking to me. The line moves up, I move up…I hear it again and she moves around now to the side of the counter where the line is.

The guy in front of me kinda turns, but realizes this is about to get ugly and quickly turns back around.

The line moves up, I move up and this Tiffany Amber bitch says loudly, “Excuse me but I’m next”……I said “No, you’re not, I am”….then this perfectly coiffed heifer starts with how rude I am and that how could I say she’s not in line next. I simply say, I may be rude, but I’m next. The guy in front of me says “how about both of you get in front of me”…I told him that wasn’t necessary.

This heifer gives me the “how dare you speak to me this way” look of complete astonishment and then continues, and I have to let her have it.

Everybody is looking at us…and the three black postal employees are about to die laughing. I told this nut “Your privilege does not work with me today. I don’t’ know what year you think this is, but your ass is BEHIND ME”.

She continues her rantings and even has the unmitigated gall to refer to me as “girlfriend”….WTF??

I keep telling her “WAS in line, past tense idiot!” and let her know that no matter what she will NOT be getting in front of me… and finally I go up to the next window where I tell the guy I need a money order and to mail my letter certified, and “when you give it to me, I will have the courtesy of filling it out OVER THERE so you can take the next person.” He laughs and meanwhile this heifer is still fussing about me ON HER CELLPHONE, mind you there is a big huge sign saying not to use those in the post office……so of course I would have been remiss if I didn’t kindly point that out to ERE ONE WITHIN EARSHOT. The other postal employee looks at me and winks…..and I say “I wonder what its like in their world”……..I wanted to just beat this Ann Taylor, J Crew wearing nitwit senseless…but I didn’t…because I knew I’d be writing about it later.

So you see…..blogs saved a white woman. This Martha Stewart – BMW driving – Prozac taking – Pilates class at 10am – kids named something stupid like Kylie or Eli – husband definitely cheating – country club member – fund raising for the arts – Coach bag I can’t afford – skinny broad was fortunate that Mizzo decided to allow my voice a forum…because I’m telling you the truth….Oprah gonna get these white women killed.

8 Responses to “A Blog Saves A White Woman”

  1. Inkognegro says:

    Yo, fam….ima need you to spare these broads so you can keep postin.

    Ain’t no fun if you can’t put the fear of the Lawd in them every now and then.

  2. origin says:

    LOL!!! Inkognegro you a trip man.

    Great post sista Miranda………..this website has saved a few white folks and some uncle toms I work with.

    Anyway that heffa was all bark. I see that with my wife dealing with these yuppies and rich heffas here in Dallas.

    My wife even says that these heffas are scared of black women and black folks in general.

  3. sankofa says:

    I’m laughing my ass off at this! Punks jump up to get beat down!

  4. Co Co says:

    This was too funny Miranda. I got a bullsh*t ticket in Tifton County too. Ain’t that a b*tch! LOL

  5. Miranda says:

    Let me tell y’all, when she said to me ” well girlfriend, you go right ahead, ok girlfriend”……the scene was so about to fade to black………..sh’es lucky I was wearing my favorite suit that day.

    CoCo,
    That Tifton Co is a trap spot…..I remember at least 5 others stopped within a 2 mile stretch right along with me….and to make matters worst I had a cop who acted extremely NICE, but the ticket was straight up bull!

  6. TheLastPoet says:

    Miranda!

    I thought I was the only nut capable of gettin ignant in these parts! That was classic.

    While living briefly in both Memphis and Atlanta, I, too, had run-ins with haughty Southern whitefolk who thought, evidently, that my presence in a line was a mere proxy.

    What was strange to me at the time was that other Blackfolk in line, Southerners all (indeed the offending white person was always the numerical minority, perhaps relying on her unspoken sense of white privilege) seemed perfectly content to let Miss Daisy (it was always a woman…) waltz her narrow ass right on up to the front and get served.

    Umm, not on my watch.

    But then the other Blackfolk on line (yes, we say “on” line in New York City), Black men and Black women, would scorn me and say that I shouldn’t oughta treat a woman like that.

    Was I wrong? Maybe.

    But I’ll tell you what I was right about: I had to get the %$#! off the Southern plantation and get back Uptown as quickly as possible! I’m glad I did because had I stayed down South, a blog would not have saved those overconfident white women or their unearned elevated status. Not that I would’ve put hands on anybody (I would never hit a woman – is that sexist of me?), but I do have sisters and lady cousins from off tha corner and ’round the way who would’ve beat her with her own Coach bag.

  7. Miranda says:

    LP,
    LOL….sometimes you have to embrace these “teachable” moments..it benefits all. A few years ago when I lived in Charlotte, I’ll never forget it. I was walking into a store and this “Miss Ann” type was behind me. Of course I held the door, and I didn’t see her until I was in, so I’m holding this door from the inside. She sees me and as she walks in, she stops to turn around and talk to someone she recognized that had just left out of another door. I mean, literally standing in the door with her hands clasped, talking away and I’m holding the door open. Did not even acknowledge my existence…I instantly became her “help”.

    I had an out of body experience at that moment..in fact it was June of 2003, outside of Belk’s at Southpark Mall..I can’t forget it. I literally saw my spirit remove itself from my body and tell me to “let go”….and I obliged. The door slammed this lady and her friend gasped and I never turned around..I just walked on in and didn’t look back. I know it hurt her, but it had to be done. I was at peace with it.

  8. sankofa says:

    Miranda and LP I’m feeling all worm and fuzzy hearing such tales of uppityness here. Brings back memories of my , eh um, incidents of indignation. However, I can’t realy think of equally “nice” response as yours on my part. Let’s just say I went full bore on too many occasion and realized the universe had other plans for me, lest I be writing you from a small confined space.

    After all I wouldn’t want you all won’t ever have thought of sankofa being…extreme in his responses to the “right of white” attitude.

    But I digress… I hope some youn uns catch what ever disease you two have and it becomes infectious. (He smiles nodding in pleasure)

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