(AP Photo/Kevin Fitzsimons)
Fell asleep watching Juice and somehow dreamed of Terrelle Pryor replacing Omar Epps as GQ. I’m sure you remember Q teetering between high school rock head and aspiring world class DJ. His nemesis was Tupac’s Bishop. Bishop was straight crazy and tried to bring down the whole crew–dead or alive–and ended up dead himself.
Bishop in Terrelle’s case is the snake…eh…snakes that will assuredly be attracted to his talent and limitless future. They will grab, try to sabotage, real fake love, definitely hate and then with big donkey teeth congratulate, as well as imitate and influence Terrelle to look at things just a little differently.
We all know the old adage, misery loves company. Bishop is the misery that will challenge Terrelle to make decisions knocking him off his love jones. Bishop will be at every turn hiding in the dark, after every game he’ll toss Terrelle one beer that will turn into ten, weed and whatever else en route to every Columbus party that will be hot because Terrelle is there.
So what Terrelle, let her go. They’ll be hundreds of others bruh. Life ain’t all about sex.
Bishop will be the adjunct professor of somebody’s whatever. He will openly challenge Terrelle in class just to get that laugh that makes him regain his alpha male status until the next class. He’ll overly scrutinize Terrelle’s work as if he’s running for president when he’s not for he’s just a kid trying to be a kid before he becomes a man.
Bishop will be that dude with the coffee stained teeth with the press cap and reading glasses–Black, White or whatever. Bishop will praise Gene Smith for landing yet another Elite 11 recruit. This praise will be a testament of masculinity and then as the games and years go by, his blue inked yellow journalism stained hands will transform into pom poms, his hair pigtails and his boxers bloomers–yeah with lipstick, tight sweater and everything.
Terrelle’s test scores, ball release, third and eleven deep outs and late game interceptions in Happy Valley or Ann Arbor will become Sam Kinison loud screams of heavily critical media absurdity. After he wins his second Heisman, Bishop will follow him like a lost cause stuck in the past.
Major Bishops will then Joe the Plumber us to death with idiosyncrasies outlining why Terrelle should not be the number one pick. Leading up to the draft his deficiencies will be criticized by Sunday morning talking Bishops. They’ll compare him to others never 1998 mentioned who have had great careers if not for the scrutiny.
Draft day in April, Roger Goodell announces the number one pick to hometown team Bishop boos because of all the media scrutiny.
Nevertheless, Terrelle Pryor enters the NFL as the Rebirth of Sick.
Yeah, I know you hear the bass line. Imagine while hearing the strings picked, Terrelle airing out a bomb just over the outstretched hands of your All Pro corner back or running over your sam, mike and will linebackers one Super Bowl Sunday in the not to distant future. Terrelle will also most likely be the most scrutinized quarterback ever when he’s drafted number one overall barring injury.
Hailing from Jeanette, PA, he’s the working man’s jackpot.
Bishop is not your friend Terrelle. Run from him. Call up Randall, Air, Dan, Warren, Joe, Jim, Donovan and even Mike. I’m not saying to genuflect, but do appreciate the paved road they’ve sweated for you. You are like Vince Young and Elvis Dumervil morphed into one. You are the football LeBron James and will have to run through hell with Michael Vick draws on to become the best.
LeBron has Randy for a reason.
There isn’t a professional athlete alive who hasn’t already said your name. Some secretly wish they had your physical skills before the bills and the hundreds of pain pills.
Pick your head up son. A Penn State loss is a mere mosquito bite compared to the Bishop’s nest that awaits in the NFL (and before). Enjoy this time running with, around and over the pups, but work on your game.
Throw the 30 yard deep out with accurate zip and with pressure all in your chest.
Make the progressions across the field and back after your primary read falls down or is covered.
Use the pump fake to avoid the blitz and also to freeze that safety help over the top.
Manage the clock. Know when a throw in the middle of the field is appropriate late.
Make that check off in the flat on fourth and six instead of taking a chance down the field when your best receiver is double covered but has a step.
Dust the Bishops off when they boo…then cheer…then boo..then cheer.
Respect your teammates but ask your front office to supply you with a towering left tackle, a decent running game and a capable receiver corps.
Study hard. Learn everything…not just how to read a defense. Math, sciences, finances and philosophy.
Don’t run every time you want to…hey Magic could have led the league in scoring–but he didn’t.
Become the standard.
Get that ring and don’t worry about anything else for none of it matters. While you are in Columbus, go check out the new you’s breaking Pop Warner ankles to Daddy and Uncle E and J’d high fives. You won’t get a chance once you become that dude Terrelle.
When you enter the league there will be no quarterback that has ever played in the NFL with your physical skills.
Raheem didn’t die for nothin’…
so don’t let Bishop prohibit your GQ from working on his brain.