Terrelle Pryor: The Rebirth of Sick

(AP Photo/Kevin Fitzsimons)

Fell asleep watching Juice and somehow dreamed of Terrelle Pryor replacing Omar Epps as GQ. I’m sure you remember Q teetering between high school rock head and aspiring world class DJ. His nemesis was Tupac’s Bishop. Bishop was straight crazy and tried to bring down the whole crew–dead or alive–and ended up dead himself.

Bishop in Terrelle’s case is the snake…eh…snakes that will assuredly be attracted to his talent and limitless future. They will grab, try to sabotage, real fake love, definitely hate and then with big donkey teeth congratulate, as well as imitate and influence Terrelle to look at things just a little differently.

We all know the old adage, misery loves company. Bishop is the misery that will challenge Terrelle to make decisions knocking him off his love jones. Bishop will be at every turn hiding in the dark, after every game he’ll toss Terrelle one beer that will turn into ten, weed and whatever else en route to every Columbus party that will be hot because Terrelle is there.

When he gets to the party Bishop will look like this (sup supastah) and also this.

So what Terrelle, let her go. They’ll be hundreds of others bruh. Life ain’t all about sex.

Bishop will be the adjunct professor of somebody’s whatever. He will openly challenge Terrelle in class just to get that laugh that makes him regain his alpha male status until the next class. He’ll overly scrutinize Terrelle’s work as if he’s running for president when he’s not for he’s just a kid trying to be a kid before he becomes a man.

Bishop will be that dude with the coffee stained teeth with the press cap and reading glasses–Black, White or whatever. Bishop will praise Gene Smith for landing yet another Elite 11 recruit. This praise will be a testament of masculinity and then as the games and years go by, his blue inked yellow journalism stained hands will transform into pom poms, his hair pigtails and his boxers bloomers–yeah with lipstick, tight sweater and everything.

Terrelle’s test scores, ball release, third and eleven deep outs and late game interceptions in Happy Valley or Ann Arbor will become Sam Kinison loud screams of heavily critical media absurdity. After he wins his second Heisman, Bishop will follow him like a lost cause stuck in the past.

Major Bishops will then Joe the Plumber us to death with idiosyncrasies outlining why Terrelle should not be the number one pick. Leading up to the draft his deficiencies will be criticized by Sunday morning talking Bishops. They’ll compare him to others never 1998 mentioned who have had great careers if not for the scrutiny.

Draft day in April, Roger Goodell announces the number one pick to hometown team Bishop boos because of all the media scrutiny.

Nevertheless, Terrelle Pryor enters the NFL as the Rebirth of Sick.

Yeah, I know you hear the bass line. Imagine while hearing the strings picked, Terrelle airing out a bomb just over the outstretched hands of your All Pro corner back or running over your sam, mike and will linebackers one Super Bowl Sunday in the not to distant future. Terrelle will also most likely be the most scrutinized quarterback ever when he’s drafted number one overall barring injury.

Hailing from Jeanette, PA, he’s the working man’s jackpot.

Bishop is not your friend Terrelle. Run from him. Call up Randall, Air, Dan, Warren, Joe, Jim, Donovan and even Mike. I’m not saying to genuflect, but do appreciate the paved road they’ve sweated for you. You are like Vince Young and Elvis Dumervil morphed into one. You are the football LeBron James and will have to run through hell with Michael Vick draws on to become the best.

LeBron has Randy for a reason.

There isn’t a professional athlete alive who hasn’t already said your name. Some secretly wish they had your physical skills before the bills and the hundreds of pain pills.

Pick your head up son. A Penn State loss is a mere mosquito bite compared to the Bishop’s nest that awaits in the NFL (and before). Enjoy this time running with, around and over the pups, but work on your game.

Throw the 30 yard deep out with accurate zip and with pressure all in your chest.

Make the progressions across the field and back after your primary read falls down or is covered.

Use the pump fake to avoid the blitz and also to freeze that safety help over the top.

Manage the clock. Know when a throw in the middle of the field is appropriate late.

Make that check off in the flat on fourth and six instead of taking a chance down the field when your best receiver is double covered but has a step.

Dust the Bishops off when they boo…then cheer…then boo..then cheer.

Respect your teammates but ask your front office to supply you with a towering left tackle, a decent running game and a capable receiver corps.

Study hard. Learn everything…not just how to read a defense. Math, sciences, finances and philosophy.

Don’t run every time you want to…hey Magic could have led the league in scoring–but he didn’t.

Become the standard.

Get that ring and don’t worry about anything else for none of it matters. While you are in Columbus, go check out the new you’s breaking Pop Warner ankles to Daddy and Uncle E and J’d high fives. You won’t get a chance once you become that dude Terrelle.

Breathe brotha breathe.

When you enter the league there will be no quarterback that has ever played in the NFL with your physical skills.

Raheem didn’t die for nothin’…

so don’t let Bishop prohibit your GQ from working on his brain.

20 Responses to “Terrelle Pryor: The Rebirth of Sick”

  1. Diallo says:

    This dude will be the truth. I just can’t wait for him to leave tOSU, so I can cheer for him. My luck, the damn Eagles will draft him:)

  2. Mizzo says:

    Hey man hey…

    I do not make the rules.

  3. origin says:

    HAHA funny Mizzo.

    As crazy as it sounds I had a dream that the brotha was drafted by the eagles. And guess what they booed him the same way they booed Mcnabb on draft day.

    Great article brotha. The good ole boy media has already started to say that he cost OSU a chance to play in the championship game. Yet didn’t the previous starting QB cost OSU a chance to play in the national championship game with his poor play and turnovers vs. USC???

    Anyway I will pray for that young brotha. Because if he truely develops which I believe he will thanks to his uncle Charlie Batch. The hate will be even bigger then the hate that Vince had coming out.

    But as you know and Obama knows…………when they hate you that means deep down that they fear you and know you are better then them and they can’t do sh&^ about it.

  4. origin says:

    Also my nieces have a crush on him saying he looks like Chris Brown.

    Even my sister in-law was saying he is fine. That heffa gonna catch a case (with her 24 year old @ss)


    I goes he might be the first so called black golden boy QB we have had since Moon.

    You know the type of brotha that all the sistas like.

  5. Miranda says:

    The minute its time for him to make money he will get hated on like a mosquito in your bedroom that you can’t find….just watch…its in the manual.

  6. origin says:

    Yeap sista miranda you ain’t never lied.

    All the questions will come out about his arm to his wonderlic test scores.

    To what his momma and daddy do for a living.

  7. origin says:

    I wouldn’t be surprised if unicron whitlock already has a article for him just waiting for the right time.

  8. Inkognegro says:

    There isnt a place in the nation that can match up with the Mt Rushmore of Steel City QBs (Namath, Kelly, Marino, Montana, for all those who need an update)

    As much as I would LOVE to see Mr. Pryor suit up in the Black and Gold…he deserves a better fate than that.

    He deserves better than the Eagles…
    He deserves a place where he can learn and grow without the irrational specter of hate and jealousy complicating his life…

    Sadly…no such place in the NFL exists.

    No such place in this nation exists….so he is going to have to man up and rise above it like all the others.

    I almost wish he had stuck to Basketball….Football doesnt deserve him.

  9. origin says:

    “Sadly…no such place in the NFL exists.

    No such place in this nation exists….so he is going to have to man up and rise above it like all the others.

    I almost wish he had stuck to Basketball….Football doesnt deserve him.”

    Inkognegro so true so incredibly true.

  10. Temple3 says:


    What’s wrong with a little hate?

    Isn’t Terrelle Pryor tough enough to get through it? Or is he down the “I Ain’t Wit Them Nigras Over There” mojo as voiced by Vince Young and others? The hate should toughen him up a bit. Boos from 70,000 people who pay your bills is absolutely nothing on the road we’ve traveled. It’s time for these boys to man up.

  11. Temple3 says:

    Damn – I didn’t read Origins comment until now, but it seems we certainly agree.

    Enough with the whining. Hannel yo binnis!!!

  12. BeinMiceElf says:

    As a Penn State alum, all I can say is …. FUM-BLLLLLLLLLLEE!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!

    Loser…. You want to leave Pennsylvania for Ohio, adios, punk. You”l have great days as a Buckeye, but your first slice of humble pie was shoved into your mouth by the Nittany Lions. Good for you, jerk-off. You had a chance to hang with JoePa for a few years, but you chose the choke artist that is The Sweater, Jim “Wow! That Other Team Sure Is Faster Than We Thought” Tressel. As good as you might be, Mr. Pryor, you can’t play defense and stop other teams from the scoring blitzkrieg that embarrassed Ohio State in the title game the last two seasons.

    Come to Happy Valley next season, and there will be 100,000 people waiting for you to get cracked up and pulled apart six ways from Sunday. I’ll be one of them.

    You could have been a great one in Nittany Lion history. Now, you’re nothing but a traitor, a marked man. Enjoy that Rose Bowl when USC stomps your team again, and enjoy the memory of that fumble, that losing fumble, that crucial error that only losers commit that cost your team the most crucial game of the season…. Enjoy being a loser, son.

    Sleep well.

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  20. […] is probably a good move for all. Pryor is expected to enter the NFL via supplemental draft. The Rebirth of Sick , as I call him, never won the Heisman as I and others predicted but his career achievement as a […]