Friday Fire: What Is Most Important? Love, Loyalty or Security?

Don’t misconstrue this fellas. Deal with this on a real rap level (I was there) and don’t see this as running barefoot…wild flowers in tow…with a tight ass mesh shirt and skipping with your girl in the park singing Tip Toe Through the Tulips alright?

This ain’t about that.

This is about loyalty. Loyalty amongst friends makes for a happy existence. I have very few people in my inner circle because if you can’t trust your peoples, then who can you trust? If there is no loyalty, life becomes a frustrating exercise in maddening paranoia and your mind will never be free to trust. I can smell it a mile away and I don’t care if I’m banging on bongos with calloused and bloody hands while my girl is belly dancing…both broke, hungry as hell and sleeping on wet cardboard boxes, she’ll remain forever my soul beautiful if she’s ride or die. There is no love without loyalty. Just saw on the news where a couple has been together for 80 years in nearby Springfield, PA. Now that’s love huh? Security is last on the list because it don’t mean shit if you don’t have the other two. A lot of women will disagree on this (or not) but that’s how I roll. My daughter knows to get hers without having to depend on a man. Her aunt is a great example. There is no knight in shining armor who will rescue you from the doldrums of poverty if that’s all you are looking for because when you get it, you’ll be just as unhappy as you were before. You have to go get it yourself right? Respect and honor = loyalty. What say you?

15 Responses to “Friday Fire: What Is Most Important? Love, Loyalty or Security?”

  1. Jerold Wells Jr. says:

    Right now? Security.

    I’ve had no luck in my 26 years with love. Look up the Greek meaning of the word ya’ll. Love is deep. I mean Mom, Pops and sisters sure. My daughter, absolutely. Grammy, Aunts and Uncles and the cousins that I know definitely. Family love is awesome. I’ve had my share of relationships and some worked out better than others. Let’s just say erotic love isn’t an issue.

    That real, unconditional love though? I haven’t experienced that. It’s what we all want, what we all need. (Tell ‘em Pac) Perhaps I’m not lovable in that way. Maybe the process of my becoming a man isn’t complete and therefore I wouldn’t appreciate someone giving the type of love I desire. Could it be that I’m not capable of returning the ultimate love gift and therefore would abuse the object of my affection? Eh, so many questions, so few answers.

    Loyalty, to me, is an offshoot of love. They go hand in hand. A real friend sticks closer than a brother. When you have the capacity to love another as yourself I think loyalty is an understood part of that relationship.

    That being said give me security. Financial (CREAM), emotional (that smile on the inside), and physical (nice safe place to live) security. I’ll work on the rest.

  2. Damon says:

    @Mizzo:

    I think you get me well enough to know that I put love before everything. I believe that if you understand what love truly is, what it encompasses and how to abide in it, little else truly matters.

    I think loyalty falls in line because we are human, and we err. Thus, you have to play the game and try to find people to surround yourself who will egress you least. Truth is, everyone you know will get to you at some point. And those closest to you will get to you the most because you’re expecting them to treat you the best. You have to learn to be still even in those situations. But I’m still hip to the loyalty game because it’s still one that must be played, and you don’t want to look like BooBoo the Fool.

    I think security is about not being fearful and not having want. When you understand and can abide in love, fear isn’t an option and neither are wants. I get the idea of CREAM, but there are too many people who control their Miracle Whips who don’t have a lick of real security. *shrugs*

    good post … interesting questions.

  3. Deep stuff man.

    Love has to be at the top of my list. I married my son’s mother out of genuine love, the kind of love that I saw my parents have for 20 years. Foolishly enough I thought that ours would be the same way. But she never knew her dad til later in her life and she never witnessed love between er mother and another man. That can work two ways: It can cause you to search for that kind of love or reinforce your belief that it doesn’t exist. The marriage ultimately failed because her heart was more set on financial security which affected her loyalty to the marriage.

    Loyalty, I love the word and its characteristics. When I was 12, I was out on mischief night and ran into some guys that wanted to throw some eggs at the older guys who used to rough us up, it was all in fun though. I didn’t have any eggs, so I went to the house and grabbed some potatoes and a green pepper (those were the Saturday homefries) bottom line we had a good time that night no one got hurt and we became good friends. We took different paths in life, but remained close and respected whatever path was taken. Today, we consider ourselves brothers (there are 6 of us) we’ve laughed and cried together, fought and partied together. I would go to them before I would some family members.

    Love for the most part is a learned behavior, Loyalty I believe is earned and shared through life lessons. When I lost my dad I was in college, there were about 7 guys from different parts of the country that kept my head on straight, made sure I was ok. One guy took me to his home in Chattanooga for the weekend to be with his family. I probably will never see any of them again but their loyalty and love towards me is priceless.

    Security is a culmination of Love and Loyalty speaking in terms of emotion. I may never experience financial security, but if I’m emotionally secure in myself and with others I’m good. When it comes to women, I’m kinda like what Hov says, “All I want is some nice cooked food, some nice clean drawz.” If she wants to go above and beyond that’s gravy. But for me just give me repect, some good food and good lovin.

    The relationship that I’m in now, is all of the above including the gravy. I’m trying to keep the gravy to a minimum, I’m good with the basics but in the past I’ve been heavy with the gravy so I guess I’m getting it all back.

  4. sankofa says:

    You three brothers need to step back from this White Supremist discription of Eros and Philia and over stand that its use today renders it (love) a dirty four letter word, misunderstood, misused and worthless.

    Before even loyalty, there must be mutual respect. Respect for character, for intellect and for mutual or stated goals. If your belief in each other is strong enough to enter into an agreement… yes! agreement. Like a business agreement. Then you have sowed the seed of strong agreement. An agreement where each party electis to play a role that ulitmately achieves a stated goal,then you become loyal to each other and your goal.

    Any outside forces that tries to move you off your path will incur you resistance and even wrath. This is due to mutual respect and loyalty to each other and the cause.

    What is the cause? The ultimate cause of any union between a man and a woman is the perpetuation of yourselves. Since our lifespan is finite, we develop longevity through our progeny. When our progeny arrives, we then ensure we do EVERYTHING to preserve, prepare, PROTECT and condition them so they become a part of the perpetual cycle.

    As sentient beings we are social creatures, so we develop affections towards those that we become comfortable with. This affection is discribed as like, love and even lust! Yet all find solid foundation on the two pillars of respect and loyalty—trust if you seek a better word.

    The Anglo Saxon dialects renders meanings differently than more ancient languages, even though it now permiates our daily thoughts.

    We should never FALL in Eros or Philia. We should always STAND or GROW into a deep affection for the things we respect, trust and are loyal to. To fall indicates loss of control, excessive emotionalism over rational.

    Our collective results as not just African descendants but sentient beings in general shows the effect of the Roman (ticism) of Eros and Agape. Violence, jelousy, mis trust, self humiliation, selfishness and the use of our progeny as weapons against each other, or as tool for personal gains.

    In other words brothers, any body can fuck! That’s what wild animals do. Any body can talk about love and not overstand it. Few can practice the kind of respect, loyalty and trust, developing into the type of affection exhibited by these two shining examples in the picture… or that couple over 80 years.

    —————————————————–

    “My daughter knows to get hers without having to depend on a man. Her aunt is a great example. There is no knight in shining armor who will rescue you from the doldrums of poverty if that’s all you are looking for because when you get it, you’ll be just as unhappy as you were before. You have to go get it yourself right? Respect and honor = loyalty.”

    ——————————————————

    Respecting the self and being comfortable in your own skin, enables you to extend same to others, But even if we are incable of being this way in totality, we KNOW that we have to pass that on to the youth, so they can master that.

    This is 2009 don’t say you don’t know!

  5. sankofa says:

    Also Mizzo, the term dating is similar to the dance the male Pecock makes to a entice the female. It’s all superficial ways to impress. Kind of like the low slung dress, showing the breastuses. Or the slick suite or nice ride. When i grew up in the Islands,we never dated. We hung out! We played together, we talked. Even when we professed an interest other than hanging out, we learnt to respect each other. It didn’t hurt that many of the sisters I grew up with kick some ass themselves. Your environment conditions your survival instincts.

    Today though, even in Jamaica shit has changed and we are as fucked up in how we relate top each other like all the other societies influenced by European colonialism and White Supremacy.

  6. Mizzo says:

    Damn! That’s what I’m talking about brothas!

    Sankofa…wow.

    What I didn’t add because my ass ain’t been to sleep yet is that I am the first man my daughter will love. If I mess up….

    I’m transcribing another short interview now with NFL free agent Daniel Wilcox…late of the Ravens.

    He’s having a FREE football camp at Cardinal Gibbons High School 3225 Wilkens Avenue Baltimore, MD 21229 Saturday morning from 9-3. If you know of any kid who would be interested in going, get ‘em down there.

    Other NFL players are helping out…namely Derrick Mason. Don’t miss out. Daniel is one of the best at giving back. Seriously.

  7. Tariq says:

    I don’t pretend to understand love. My wedding is in 2 weeks, so I’m going to share what I’m feeling, but I’m a novice, really. I don’t really know anything.

    I’ve known my fiancee for a year. I want to marry her, not because of how she makes me feel or anything, but because of who she is. I just think she has a good heart. It’s that simple, really. When I remember that fact, I just feel like I have to marry her. I don’t know if that’s what you call “love” or “trust” or what. I want to help her grow into a better woman. And, naturally, I imagine that living five, ten, fifteen, twenty, thirty, forty years without her wouldn’t be as rewarding.

    But, again, I don’t pretend to understand love. My wedding is in 2 weeks. I don’t know anything. I imagine that if I were to read my words 10 years from now I’d laugh at my self and say: “Come on, Tariq, you knew nothing about love.”

    And I AM kinda nervous.

  8. Tariq says:

    You know, because I’m a Muslim, I can’t f*ck around with women, so I spent seven years thinking about what I wanted in a woman. And I realized that the most important thing TO ME in a woman is compassion. So when I was presented with the most compassionate woman I could ever hope for, I snapped her up. Is that love? Dunno.

  9. sankofa says:

    Tariq

    An old running buddy of mine once asked me for advice. He too was a muslim and was torn between the choice of a “conscious woman” and a “kind” woman. I told him he could teach a kind woman African ourstory to rise her consciousness, but if a conscious woman is not kind he would regret. He cose the “conscious” woman.

    Everyday since, if the opportunity arises, he bitches and whines about the wrong choice he made. The thing was, the woman he chose was a piece of work. She came from the family from hell! But she was a muslim… converted to satisfy him, not herself.

    You say your intended is compassionate? That is a strong base. It shows gentleness and empathy. That’s the kind of obeah, vodoo, magic that cements a relationship. You learn to respect that and seek (if mature) to ensure that this compassion stays healthy. you strive to nurture it. Embrace it. Even learn from it. It can be reciprocal. You become loyal to it. To the bearer. You can chart a course together with it as your foundation.

  10. Tariq says:

    But we didn’t “date” in the Western sense. We never lived together or anything like that. That’s why many of my American friends find it absurd when I say that I love her. Whatever. I told you, I don’t pretend to understand love. Maybe in twenty years.

  11. sankofa says:

    “dating” is a western concept that realy has very little explaination for the kind of mutual affections that comes rom the respect, trust and loyalty you develop in interpersonal relationship.

    A while back Operah did a show on arranged marriage. The audience were confused as to the purpose and benifits of such a concept. Infact many thought it was babaric. But an arranged marriage is a complexed social tradition that considers the characters, famioy stability, social standings and compatibility of the two involved.

    I ready a story last year in the local paper where a young Philapina was accused by her deceased husband’s Caucasian family of marrying him for his money ( they were trying to remove her from his will). In one of her testimony she explained that in her culture, you don’t marry for “love”, you marry out of duty. The female prepares from young to be a dutyfull wife, respecting the institution and the iman, remaining loyal to the marriage. In time affeection will develop and make the bond that much stronger.

    This may sound cold and claculated, but the conept of marriage in Islam follows the older tradition. The Western tradition is based on blind emotionalism with out the logicv of two pillars I mentioned earlier. The results? Quick divorces, marital strife and such. When older culture take on Western concepts of marriage, the results? Quick diverces and marital strife, but with out the checks and balances of the equality enforced by Western law, so the women end up cast aside.

    You friends need not over stand right now…they need only to accept and learn from it!

  12. Temple3 says:

    Sankofa:

    It is not merely the Anglo-Saxon definition and ‘advertised practice’ of “love” that merits inspection. So too, does the definition of “loyalty.” Loyalty, it turns out, is derived from a number of very old words about allegiance in a feudal context. You know the Anglo-Saxons caught a smackdown from the Norman French and the pain is still with them. You’d think that since 1066, they’d just let it ride. Some folks even think the bruise is so deep that the practice of giving villains French names in Shakespeare’s books and even Harry Potter novels is tied to this beat down.

    Either way, I think that you are 100% correct with the idea of emphasizing our SOCIAL being. Perhaps FIDELITY is a better word since we can be faithful without the implication of paying “protection money” to a superior man (as in allegiance to a flag or state and taxes). Being TRUE and being ACCURATE is the basis of Medu Ntr or RIGHT SPEECH. So, a relationship predicated on RIGHT SPEECH, RIGHT THOUGHT and RIGHT DEEDS is one that is about something that transcends the Western notion of love.

    I’d say that Mizzo in right on in saying that Security flows from Loyalty. It’s the quid pro quo. We offer security in exchange for loyalty or some other thing on which we place value.

    “Love,” in the purest sense, then is the precursor to practicing Sacred Speech — our sense of connectedness to the creator (“The Kingdom of God is within you.”) should be the foundation of “love.” If “I am what is” then “we are what is.”

    This idea goes back to the Old School concept.

    Perhaps Ozzie Davis said it best in School Daze, “One loves that for which one labors and one labors for that which one loves.”

  13. sankofa says:

    Perhaps Ozzie Davis said it best in School Daze, “One loves that for which one labors and one labors for that which one loves.”

    ———————————————————

    This I think simplifies Mizzo’s original post and cuts to the heart of the matter. You are so correct in invoking the Medu Ntr, because following that path can never lead you astray. While I had to laugh at your Anglo-Saxon his-story moment, I still nod in agreement because the man never ever let go of anything. hence the collective uptightness he exhibits daily.

    One more thing examplifies this Ozzi Davis quote and that is sacrifice. What is it we are willing to sacrifice for? And I am not talking extreme… just simple things like putting in some work now at the expense of play, so that you can reap its benifit and play later.

  14. Temple3 says:

    Times have changed. We live in a world where if you are willing to sacrifice and perfect your craft, you can find a market for whatever you do. If you’re selling the right thing, someone will pay for it.

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